Saturday, May 21, 2011 ♥
5 months already. still as aimless as before.. worked for 8 month and i am starting to feel reluctant.. work eat play sleep that is what i does these days... but i did get into a course.. better than nothing to strive for.. and when sch start it will be work study sleep.. what will happen to my life?!
someone told me about a really tempting job proposal.. at least the manager job scope seem attractive and being the assistant of that manager shouldn't be that bad and boring right? a chance to work more related with IT systems.. but just as an assistant.. i really fear it will end up like what happen in Panasonic. with the manager not around.. and left alone to settle things.. Should i go for it? contract base only for about 1 yr +... may not have benefit.. i may end up wanting to quit within months and i will end up looking like a job hopper if that really happen.. so many concern but no one can confirm them for me..
some ask me to stay put at my current job.. some ask me to find out more information first then proceed with the next step.. some ask me the try first, wait till they really accept me then say.. and deep down.. my un-confidence self tells me that i don't have the qualification for this job.. lack of IT skill.. lack of language skills..but part of me really want to try it.. cause it is an opportunity that don't come often.. it is a chance to try something different.. to step into a field of something that seen to be different yet holds slight similarity.. mum says it don't sound related to logistics.. or link to what i am going to study.. but somewhat as an assistant who focus on implementing warehouse systems and transportation systems seem relevant..
i may get to learn this systems that i have no contact with before.. but really.. every company have their own individual unique system... what could me learn there may not apply totally to future company that i may join once my contract ends..
so much to think and decide.. but like always.. i am hoping someone could decide it for me..how did i become such a useless person.. who can't make simply decisions??
i start to dream of un-finish work.. work that may not need to complete until later period.. fear something will go wrong with my customers cargo.. woke up by this dreams middle of the night on working days and even holiday.. my sleeping quality is getting worst..how can i be like those people who can be carefree of work and think of them only when needed?
why do i need to fear on weekend about customers cargo not deliver on time, search by customs, and suddenly asking for documents that i didn't brought home? nearly getting shout at? why can't i have a peaceful weekend and holiday?
so many whys and hopes, so many unfulfilled wants and needs... how can i achieve them? thinking too much is no good, but not thinking enough is worst.. till now.. it is still the 'what if' , 'if only i could' dream... when can it become real..
is action the solution to all my queries?
listened to the sweet sound @ 9:13 AM
Saturday, January 1, 2011 ♥
It is 2011. one yr had pass , Last yr were full of new experiences, Internship, graduation, first office temp job, super long holiday back in hk, my first official interview for sch and job and getting my first job. everything seem be to be happening so quickly. One moment i was a student and the next moment i am an working adult?! but i am still as lazy and as aimless as before. thinking too much about useless things and not thinking enough about those things that are important. I still spend my days watching video and reading manga.
always thinking about the past, and the 'what if' which will never happen because the choice had been made long ago. Missing school life , missing holidays, missing freedoms.
internship was nice, fun and stress-less because we have not taste the true working life, it all seem to be like that company work load seem so much lesser, but in reality, they are equally stressful, just that i was not observance to realize the truth, under the protection of others.
Working in Panasonic, teach me to be more independent. give me a small taste of half actual working life.
Holiday were great. and it marks the day brother leaves Singapore , to study and to live in HK. Been 3 months since i last saw him in person.
Working life, make me speck more, less scare of phone calls, in office. but still i am not specking up when i am with strangers.. sigh...
Hope this yr i can find my aim, get into a course. make my decisions. and be able to plan ahead and actually follow my plans.
listened to the sweet sound @ 7:01 PM
Saturday, September 18, 2010 ♥
it is like i am wasting my life away... i do nothing, learn nothing.. just looking at jobs online, play game... i am losing my sense of timing.. as i stay longer and longer at home... never seem to b able to wake up earlier than 8 am.. even on the first wk when i came back to sg.. even though i have been waking up every day around 6 or 7 plus am when i was in hk... what is the different.. my biological clock says it is more slack here?? ever though i sleep earlier now.. i wake up later.. may be because of all those weird dreams that i am having.. my brain just don't seem to be getting any rest even when i am sleeping..
i am forgetting how to speak english and chinese.. losing my touch of the external world.. let me find a job!! then i can get back to speak my lousy english and chinese!!! now, i get stuck even when i speak simple english.. and it sucks...
and when can i know what do i really want!! because of the bad mindset of "moon on the other side is always nicer and more beautiful" making me think that may be the other subject are better and more fun.. but everything i want to try out, need communication skill which i totally not good at. thus making me rethink and rethink... if there is money.. i would have gone with my feelings..really want to go oversea!!.. but as there is none.. all i can do is just follow fate.. really want to go oversea!!
listened to the sweet sound @ 6:22 PM
Tuesday, August 3, 2010 ♥
my life is full of waiting because i have no power to obtain them, but in this waitin process will i be able to find wat i really want?
listened to the sweet sound @ 2:58 AM
Wednesday, May 19, 2010 ♥
tick tick.. time passes.. soon it is graduation day. our official day stating we have finish poly and moving on and continue another journey of our life.
But what am i to do? in this future? study? work? can't get my mood going on. so lost. must be becos i dun have a goal that i wan to achieve right! life is getting boring. when can i know what i really want in my life?
One thing i know- i wan freedom! ppl is weird, whenever they can't get something, they will wan to obtain them, but when they get that thing and it is not right for them, they will wish to go back and hold on to what they have in the past. I WANT TO TRAVEL & EXPLORE THE WORLD!!!!
thinking back. this pass 15 yrs of sch life, am i ever working hard to achieve gd result? guess not. (sound like i am trying to say how smart i am right..) But really when can i lift up my spirit and finish something to the end for onces.
Guess dad is right, because i have not taste the success of something that i have put in all my effort before that y, ever when i fail, i dun really feel sad or cost any great impact on me.
how i wish, my laziness will go away and be more hardworking!! nothing.. T^T
how to survive?
listened to the sweet sound @ 7:46 AM
Saturday, April 17, 2010 ♥
Kind of decided.. after last wk of busy busy working days.. n a even more stressful 3 days ahead, I dun really think i am up for it..even though i have fallen, i will stand up.. but it still will leave a scar at the injury area.. this 2 wks really testing my mental limit.. lacking of sleep.. a workload to bring home and do.. doing things that i never did before, organizing training with not much help, worrying over my work.. thinking of things before it ever happen.. ever kind of regret to extend my work till 14 may..
feel like ppl expect me to be a 'Know all my work" girl.. ever without teaching me all..it won't until i ask J to help then i realize i have done it all wrong.. n i have only like 2 day to amend all the work.. n some more the amendment is not within my control.. if only i could control n do the work myself.. it would not be that tough .. after finding wat i would have to face on friday.. i feel so weak and helpless.. the workload really is to heavy for a inexperience me to carry.. n the 'always busy' boss is not a help at all.. n the 'always expect J have told me clearly what to do, she have left all the information for you' attitude make it worst, when not all is really being pass to me..
really wish i can get into a Uni course, then i no need think so much.. abt work.. abt wat will happen next..
listened to the sweet sound @ 8:46 PM
Thursday, April 1, 2010 ♥
Yesterday was April Fool day, but it was also the day which morning assembly were being held every 1 day of the month of the company that i am currently working now. It is the time where different dept employee gather together at our dept (HR) and sing the company song, recital the company philosophy and the 7 values set by the founder-Konosuke Matsushita. ( My first office morning assembly & my first assembly since my MI days haha which is 3 yr ago)
Each month different dept take up the role of being in charge of the assembly, giving reports of latest development of their dept. and giving employee a chance to announce impt news and event to others, and a platform to introduce new colleague to all.
This month is a new FY and there were 14 new japanese colleagues joining/tranfered to S'pore, hearing them speck in english test my ear power, but what one of them say really reflex what i wanted in life. He say: ' My dream was to work in a foreign country, and this dream have came true, and i hope that i could prolong this dream'
My heart is set on traveling and see the world have a taste of living overseas, working overseas but without money and my language is lousy, the chance is slight. but now in this current job, i see a chance.. there may not be alot of traveling, but at least chances of going Japan to learn is high if i learn japanese and new training and meeting are held each year.
But there is so many uncertainty. may be i could get in uni? n i wan holiday!! dun think they will wait for me for 1 mth + to work for them again rite. if i stay here with the company. means study will have to be at night or i will have to work first then decide later.. so much things to think.
HELP!!
listened to the sweet sound @ 9:34 PM